“This [KataKuKa] is a fool's dream.” - Ruwido S. Ngantung

[Feb 15th, 12:33] Against The World

Or, is it against me and myself?

Just when I thought I’ve made peace with myself, and it’s the world that turns against me. Just when I thought I’ve settled with the past and move on, the future comes to haunt. Just when I thought I’ve quite the mind, and it’s everything around me that become louder and noisy. Just when I thought I’ve found the stillness of the soul, the whole body, mind and emotion turns wild.

So I haven’t made peace with myself after all.

All I’ve done is kicked the old me that I used to wear (the one that I blamed to be the reason of all my failures) out the door, and wear another one (the one that made me feel good). I wear myself like a suit. The worst thing is, it’s not even a real me, it’s me the way I like to see, but never am! And this I that wear me, isn’t even conscious. This I is nothing but an automatic routine, programmed to respond the input received by the receptor sensory. There is no I all along!

So… what the heck was that!? Perhaps, it’s my history that keeps repeating itself. Perhaps, I’m going crazy. Or, perhaps, I already am! Yeah. Whatever. Just want to say, peace isn’t easy. Not even if you start with yourself.

Need to get rid of this me that become my cowardly hideout. Need to see all the I-s within my body, mind and emotion. Need to see the I-s in the world. To deny all these I-s. To find the one, real I. The I that is with God and in God, where the only true eternal peace is. Then, and by then, I hope, I could finally made peace with myself. Forever.

Let there be no me, no I, not here inside nor anywhere outside the body. Let God be. Because I am now at His mercy.

God, I miss You.

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ele azhar

i did, think that we have the same problem.

my body and spirit is strong, but my soul is often hurt. and that is why it’s so difficult for me to make peace with myself; always blaming on myself for something I don’t understand.

kindly please be well informed, bro…
still there are so many people in this world who have the same life manners. hehehe :D

• Submitted on [Feb 15th, 22:29]

rara

Hey you!
Yeah I’m still need a shoulder to cry on!
So be prepared! Hohoho!

Sori ndak nyambung ama postingan ahahahahaha.. *lariiiii

• Submitted on [Feb 15th, 23:19]

uwie

@ele
Well, good to hear that :). And I do hope you’re getting through this situation safe and intact, it’s kinda like a dangerous-life-turning situation :D.

@rara
Halah. Cari TP dong kalu mau Shoulder to Cry On :D. Sudah balik ta?

• Submitted on [Feb 18th, 06:53]

bebex

hmmm
jangan bawa2 T***N kalo beginian mah
mending have fun ke dufan ^^ *berimaaa!!!

lam kenal uwie
thx 4 comment ^^

• Submitted on [Feb 19th, 17:59]

uwie

@bebex
Berimaaaah… biarh lebih mantaphhh :D
thanks juga udah berkunjung :)

• Submitted on [Feb 20th, 03:30]